


I think about you, sometimes

by lxdyinwhite



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Roanoke
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:53:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26522470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lxdyinwhite/pseuds/lxdyinwhite
Summary: ‘Because it was her who had spent sleepless nights thinking about Audrey, thinking about how she wished she had Audrey there to hold her, just like she did in the basement, on the dirty concrete behind that dusty shelf - when they thought they had met their ends.Because it was her who had those daydreams, the ones that would follow with her slipping a hand underneath the waistband of her underwear - pleasuring herself - pretending that her fingers were Audrey’s.But she wouldn’t openly admit it, it felt wrong, it made her feel dirty.’- Set in a universe where they were the only ones to survive Roanoke. Shelby visits Audrey, hoping to find out why Audrey treated her the way that she did, other things take place.
Relationships: Shelby Miller (American Horror Story)/Audrey Tindall
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, i caved and ended up writing a Shaudrey fic

Shelby couldn’t believe that she was standing there, in Audrey Tindall’s kitchen, out of all kitchens. She tapped her toes, and her fingers, counting to calm her nerves - one, two, three, four, five - an anxiety fuelled feeling of sickness took over. 

_ I’m always so nervous, especially after Roanoke, especially around Audrey.  _

She wanted to say that something had come up, or fake a phone call, anything to have an excuse to leave. Her mind was jumbled - completely full of thoughts that were crammed inside creating a dull ache. 

Audrey was making tea, she was stacking a plate full of small biscuits while she waited for the water in the kettle to reach a certain temperature and boil.

She tucked short strands of her behind her left ear, it was past her ears now, it sat just below her jawline. It was still short, just as she liked it, but it was longer now. Roanoke had made her afraid to leave the house, which meant that she couldn’t get her hair cut. Calling a hairdresser and getting someone to come to her was too much, she hated phone calls. Withdrawing herself socially had impacted her, her way of being, of thinking. In fact - Shelby was her first visitor ever since she got back to her apartment and locked herself inside, afraid to come out, afraid to face the dangers of the world. She couldn’t trust anymore. Anxious, paranoid thoughts made it impossible for her to trust anyone. She had given up on trying, she didn’t plan to try again. This,  this was her life now. Here, in this apartment, alone. 

Shelby gathered enough confidence to speak, that was why she came here after all. Her heart thumped in her chest, she could feel the pounding in her throat, the beating echoed beneath her tongue. 

“Audrey?” She murmured. 

_ I’m pathetic, she can barely hear me.  _

Audrey looked up, she stood behind the cream coloured kitchen counter that was between them.

She inhaled a deep, sharp breath through her nose, her arms remained crossed, the definition of cold, “What?” 

_Click_. 

“Why were you always so awful to me?” 

Audrey noticed that the kettle had boiled and picked it up, she poured the water into two mugs before her, forcing the tea in the tea bags to mingle with the scorching water. 

“W-what?” Audrey began, in a harsh tone, too harsh, “you are kidding, right?” That’s it, there’s no taking that back. 

She watched shelby’s brows furrow softly, her head fell and her eyes sat at her feet. Audrey heard a barely audible sniffle. 

_You’ve really done it this time, you never learn._

“Shelby.” 

Audrey walked closer to the woman, she stood before her. Shelby remained standing with her head down, honey coloured tresses fell around her face, hiding her just enough, just enough for her to pretend that she was alone - without Audrey, because that would be best right now. She wishes that she never visited now, It was a mistake, a really big mistake. She wanted to curl into a ball and cower in the corner of the room - just like a small puppy - afraid. 

“Shelby I-“  oh no, _she’s fidgeting with her hands, she’s scratching, she’s nervous_ , “Shelby, I’m sorry.” 

Audrey knew shelby well enough after being in character for so long while filming, and after being the only two to survive going back to Roanoke. They were the only ones that made it out alive, they hovered close to death that night. Audrey knew that she did that, with her hands, and that she scratched - sometimes - she did it when they were hiding waiting to be found by authorities in the basement. 

_ But she only did that when she was feeling very uneasy.  God, I made her uneasy.  _

“What did I do to you? especially for you to call my fiery and pathetic. That’s rude, Audrey, even for you.” 

‘Even for you’ rang in Audrey’s ears.  Ouch . It replayed over and over again in her head, for a good minute before she pulled herself together enough to speak. 

“I didn’t realise how much it got to you, Shelby, I-“ Audrey took a deep breath,  she was the one tapping her fingers now, “I guess I didn’t realise how cold I was.” 

“Did I do anything for you to act that way towards me? You didn’t have to take the role, Audrey.” Shelby still sniffled, tears had started to roll down the curves of her cheeks, she refused to look at the other woman, “It hurts.” 

_ I don’t like this, I feel vulnerable, I feel like I could crumble and turn to dust right here before her. _

There was silence. All that could be heard was the whistle of the air conditioner, the faint sound of a clock ticking and the kitchen tap dripping - Audrey had been meaning to get it fixed, but it was last on her list of priorities. 

Audrey stepped closer, impossibly closer. 

“Shel?” 

Shel? that was new. Shelby liked the way it made her heart leap in her chest. 

Because it was her who had spent sleepless nights thinking about Audrey, thinking about how she wished she had Audrey there to hold her, just like she did in the basement, on the dirty concrete behind that dusty shelf - when they thought they had met their ends. 

Because it was her who had those daydreams, the ones that would follow with her slipping a hand underneath the waistband of her underwear - pleasuring herself - pretending that her fingers were Audrey’s. 

But she wouldn’t openly admit it, it felt wrong, it made her feel dirty. 

Audrey’s hands pushed through the hair that was hiding Shelby’s face, like a curtain, and gently placed her hands on either side of her face, pulling softly and forcing Shelby to look at her. 

As Shelby raised her head and looked at Audrey, Audrey felt a storm of guilt surge in her stomach, her heart dropped in her chest, she was sure it skipped a beat. 

“Shel, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being so horrible,” Audrey was sniffling now, seeing what she had done to the woman before her was all too much, “I didn’t realise how horrible I was being. I am sorry.” 

Shelby’s eyes had lost the sparkle that they had, they were dull. Strands of her hair stuck to the dampness on her cheeks, left behind by the tears that had been shed. The tip of her nose was tickled pink and slightly snotty. 

_ How does she still look so beautiful, like this? _

“I like it w-when you call me that.” Shelby broke the direct eye contact that they had, for a second, afraid a blush would spread across her cheeks after confessing such a thing, “I needed to know why you were the way that you were, t-towards me, But I’ve come to realise that you didn’t notice. I think that’s enough for me.” 

“Did you know that you were the only one that kept me together? at the house - I mean.” There was a slight tremble in Audrey’s voice, sharing these things was hard,  feelings could spill at any second.

“Really?” 

With this, blue eyes met brown again. 

“Yes. I don’t think that I would have survived if I didn’t have you there, I don’t think that I would have had the strength. I think I would have given up and let myself die. I would have let whatever was there have me.” 

Shelby’s left hand rose and cupped Audrey’s cheek, the corners of her mouth curled upwards. The tear stains had started to dry now, that sparkle that was almost always in her eyes was slowly returning. 

“I am glad that I could be that for you, that I could do that and give you strength. I think that it would have been the same for me, if you weren’t there with me.” Shelby whispered.

She admired the shorter woman, her eyes scanned her face. 

_ Her eyes are like pools of honey, they are kind, the kindest eyes I have seen, even if she can be brutally honest and slightly rude without knowing so.  _

Shelby took a deep breath, a nervous feeling had settled in her chest, it made it uncomfortably tight, her muscles strained with every breath, “Audrey?” 

“Yes?” Audrey began, “What is it?” 

“Will you kiss me?” Shelby spoke in a voice so small that it was barely audible. 

There was a pause, for a few moments. 

_I’ve messed up, dammit. What if I’ve pushed her further away now. She is truly the only person that I have left, even if we haven’t been on good terms. Everyone else is gone._

“Are you-“ Audrey’s eyes flickered back and forth, looking at Shelby’s lips and searching the younger woman’s eyes for answers, “Are you sure you want me to do that? I mean, i-it isn’t that i don’t want to but-“ 

Shelby smirked at the woman standing before her - at her words. 

‘It isn’t that i don’t want to’. 

_ Then do it.  _

Shelby leant in, leaving her lips hovering over Audrey’s “If you want to kiss me, kiss me.”She whispered, “I want you to kiss me.” 

Audrey’s thumbs drew small circles against Shelby’s jawline. 

_Oh - god, she smells like cherry chapstick. Her lips look so soft, her hair smells faintly of lavender and-_

“Please.” 

Shelby’s voice was slightly deeper now, and she was so close to pushing her lips against Shelby’s, these things combined was all too much. Audrey felt arousal pooling in her underwear. Her ears started to prickle and burn at the feeling, as if Shelby knew. 

She puckered her lips softly and pressed them against the taller blonde’s. Shelby’s hands immediately wrapped around Audrey’s waist, pulling her closer, close enough for their bodies to be pressed together. The kiss deepened, the fabric of Audrey’s blouse chafed against her nipples, they rubbed against shelby’s front, erect and already begging for attention. 

Shelby moaned, her fingertips pressed into Audrey’s hips, she let one hand fall and grasp the older woman’s behind, fingers squishing into the fat there. Her tongue swiped over Audrey’s bottom lip - a way of asking for access - Audrey eagerly opened her mouth, whimpering as she felt her tongue twirl with Shelby’s. 

_ She tastes so good, so sweet.  _

Slow, sloppy kisses quickly became fast and rough. Audrey pulled Shelby’s bottom lip between her teeth, humming as she tugged, letting her mouth wander and kiss along her jawline. Eventually her lips met the taller woman’s pulse point, pressing an open mouthed kiss there. Shelby’s heartbeat thumped beneath her lips, beneath the skin. She started to nibble and suck, pulling blood to the surface and leaving a mark behind, it got darker as seconds past. Shelby’s perfume made her dizzy. The strong, floral scent was present on her neck, on her chest, it made Audrey’s lips burn and tingle. 

Shelby grasped Audrey’s hand, tugging and positioning it over her left breast. Her own pressed firmly against Audrey’s.

Audrey whimpered softly at the action, continuing to place sloppy kisses against shelby’s neck. She squeezed softly, pinching Shelby’s nipple between two of her fingers. 

A loud moan escaped shelby’s lips.

_ There, that’s it.  _

“A-Audrey,” Shelby was breathless, she was practically panting, “Sofa, now. Please?” 

Audrey lifted her head and looked at the younger blonde, taken back by the sight. Shelby’s cheeks were flushed now, flushed with pink, it was starting to spread to her chest. She chewed on her bottom lip as she looked at Audrey, her eyes were dark, filled with want and need. 

Audrey gave a quick nod, taking Shelby’s hand and pulling her out of the kitchen, in to the room that was next over. 

She sat on the low, olive coloured sofa, pushing the decorative cushions onto the floor and pulling Shelby into her lap. Shelby’s knees rested on either side of Audrey’s thighs, she grasped and held onto her shoulders, giving herself balance. 

The older woman smoothed her hands over Shelby’s waist, over her behind. Her hands made their way under the woman’s knee length summer dress - _she looks so lovely in this colour_ \- she squished her fingers into the woman’s upper thighs. Her nails slightly dug into the soft skin there. 

Audrey looked up at Shelby, tucking strands of Shelby’s hair behind her ears. She caressed her left cheek, forming small circles with her thumb. 

“What do you want?” 

Shelby took in a deep, shaky breath, her arousal was present in her breathing, in her eyes - present with the dampness that stuck to the skin of her inner thighs - “You, I want you. I want you now.” 


	2. I love to hear you, to see you like this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want you to come for me, all over my fingers, just like you do when you think of me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i get embarrassed posting smut but - chapter two, as promised. Couldn’t resist making it a little fluffy at the end.

Audrey’s hand that remained on the younger woman’s thigh moved to her hip.

“You are-“ she cupped Shelby through her underwear, “So beautiful.” 

Shelby gasped, instantly rolling her hips forward, hoping to gain friction. She tilted her head back and moaned, her hands remained on Audrey’s shoulders, she scratched her nails softly into the fabric of Audrey’s blouse, hooking them there and holding on. 

Audrey could feel shelby’s arousal seeping through the cotton of her underwear, she rubbed the woman softly through the the black fabric, pressing her thumb hardly against Shelby’s clit. 

But just for a second, just for a second, not any longer. 

“Mm, Audrey.” Shelby inhaled deeply, “Audrey, please.” 

Her voice shook as she begged Audrey, so turned on and in need of Audrey that she was lightheaded. 

Audrey tugged on the waistband of her underwear, pulling them down and helping Shelby back into her lap after discarding them. They were tossed to the side, onto the dark wooden floorboards, amongst the cushions. 

Audrey slid two fingers up and down Shelby’s folds, gathering the wetness at her entrance and pulling it upwards as she slowly began to circle her clit. 

“Oh, Shelby.” Audrey moved her fingers back down to the younger blonde’s entrance, pushing the tips of her fingers into her, “You are so, so wet.” 

Shelby’s head fell forward and rested against Audrey’s right shoulder, she panted against Audrey’s skin. She started to roll her hips as she rocked softly against Audrey’s fingers. 

“Please.” She whispered, placing a small kiss against Audrey’s neck, trying to persuade the older woman and get her way. 

She needed her, she had needed her for so long, for too long. This is what she had thought about in her head, more than once, several times - actually. She had longed to feel the older woman touching her, and now that it was actually happening she was growing impatient. Her knees quickly became wobbly and weak, she had never felt so wet in her life. 

“No. No, I like seeing you like this, I like seeing you all needy and desperate.” 

“I-I’ve wanted this for so long, Audrey.” she confessed, “Please, please.” 

“For so long?” This took Audrey back slightly, she wasn’t expecting that. Her breath hitched in her throat. 

“I think about you, sometimes, when I can’t sleep. And I-“ Shelby paused and whimpered, Audrey’s fingers slid back up to her clit and started circling in firm circles, “Sometimes I fuck myself with my fingers, for hours, and I t-think about you. I pretend that it’s you touching me. I come so hard, every time, when I think of you.” 

“Fuck, Shelby.” Audrey felt the wetness below build and seep through her tight fitting pants, her need for Shelby to touch her lingered and became stronger as each second passed.

She quickly slid her fingers into Shelby, thrusting at a slow, rough pace. 

Shelby’s back arched and she threw her head back, gasping and moaning which each thrust. Audrey’s fingers slid in and out of her with ease, brushing against the spongy spot inside of her, making her hum in delight. Her thumb started to circle Shelby’s clit again, swirling in broad circles around it. The speed of her thrusts quickened, along with the circles that she was pressing into the woman’s clit. 

“I love to hear you, to see you like this. You are so gorgeous, taking my fingers like this.” 

Shelby whimpered at the words, Audrey’s dirty talk only increased the pleasure that she was feeling. She rolled her hips to meet Audrey’s thrusts, pushing the two digits deeper into her, knuckle deep. She wanted all of Audrey. 

“Another, more.”

The older woman pressed a third finger into Shelby and started thrusting faster, fucking her relentlessly.

“I need to come,” Shelby whimpered loudly, gasping for air, “I need to come. I’m so, so close.” 

Shelby continued to roll her hips forward, faster and faster, she bounced up and down on Audrey’s fingers, feeling them stretch her out in the most pleasant way. She liked this - being so full of Audrey, taking as much of her as she could. 

She quickly approached her orgasm, warmth settled in her stomach and the muscles in her legs tightened and released, again and again. Her thighs began to shake, she held onto Audrey, digging her nails hardly into Audrey’s blouse. Probably too hard, probably scratching at Audrey’s skin, but she was too focussed on her release to give that any thought at all - and Audrey didn’t mind. 

“You feel so good,” Audrey whimpered, feeling the younger woman tighten around her fingers made the need for her to press and rub her thighs together surface, “I want you to come for me, all over my fingers, just like you do when you think of me.” 

_ ‘Just like you do when you think of me.’ _

Audrey’s words sent Shelby flying completely over the edge, the pressure built and built and built until she toppled over the edge and crashed into euphoria. A spark, a feeling similar to electricity shot up her spine, she fluttered around Audrey’s fingers, continuing to whimper until Audrey removed them. Her head rested on her shoulder once again as she regained her strength and caught her breath. Her ears rang, she nuzzled her nose into the crook of Audrey’s neck, peppering her neck with soft kisses.

Audrey wrapped her hands around the woman’s back, holding her and rubbing up and down her spine with the palm of her hand. She listened to Shelby’s breathing, closing her eyes and feeling content and relaxed for the first time since _ that night .  _

_ This, this is nice, I could get used to this.  _

“Audrey?” Shelby mumbled, nuzzling her nose into her neck yet again, inhaling the scent of Audrey’s shampoo. 

“Yes?” 

“I like this, being here with you.” She whispered, lifting her head to kiss Audrey’s jawline softly. 

“I like this too. I feel,” Audrey took in a deep breath, “I feel relaxed for the first time since I got back. I feel safe here, with you here.” 

“I hope this isn’t a one time thing, I hope this doesn’t ruin anything, you are all I have left.” 

_ ‘You are all I have left.’  _

Audrey’s chest was filled with a dull ache, she had felt that pain herself, that loneliness. Having everyone torn away from them was something the pair shared in common. It was a type of pain that they both understood. 

“It won’t ruin anything, I like this, I like you. I was going to ask if you wanted to have some tea and stay for dinner?” 

“I like this, too.” Shelby placed a kiss against Audrey’s cheek, “And I- I like you, too. I would be more than happy to stay for dinner.” 

A new love bloomed, slowly, even if they hadn’t noticed yet. Even if they weren’t ready to admit it. It was delicate, but it was there, deep down in their hearts, slowly pushing it’s way out - wanting to be known. 

And if this was the only good thing that came with the tragedy, with all of the death, all of the fear, all of the long lasting effects - then it was okay, for now. As long as they were in each other’s company. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this mess of a fanfic <3

**Author's Note:**

> i have a second part that I plan to post, feel free to leave feedback or anything you would like in the comments, i really enjoy receiving comments.


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